Ferry’s Corner: Disturbed Behaviour

I often notice that the word “disturbed behaviour” immediately creates distance. As if the person himself is the problem. Whereas in my work I see time and time again that it is mainly behaviour that we do not understand at that moment. For the person himself, that same behaviour can actually be very logical. 

I remember a man in Utrecht who was muttering to himself while walking next to the canal and sometimes he addressed people incoherently. To bystanders, it seemed frightening and chaotic. I was curious though, so I stopped and listened. After a while, we had a completely normal conversation. There was nothing wrong with him. As I walked away, I thought, you only mumble to yourself to keep control of an overwhelming situation. 

What I have learned over the years is that the most important thing is to not want to immediately understand the cause or “correct” someone. It starts with safety and reducing tension. Staying calm. Explaining why I am there. Listening without getting into an argument. Sometimes just sitting there for a while is enough. I often notice that this slowly creates space for trust. 

Behind someone’s disturbed behaviour, there are almost always very human needs: to be seen, to experience control, to feel connected. When I look at someone through that lens, it becomes easier to respond with kindness. 

Don’t be overwhelmed by appearances. Disturbed behaviour is often a signal, not a label. The calmer and simpler our response, the greater the chance that connection will be restored. 

Trainer Ferry Barendregt gives trainings across the country on behalf of Mainline about drugs and drug use.